my apr 8, 9 n 11th was spent selling acer laptops at the 2007 suntec IT fair. aft pushing tt 2 wk admin stint to anna, i calculated tt i needed to sell at least 22 laptops to break even on the salary i wld hv earned. glad to say, i surpassed my expectations n sold 24 pcs. tis means, i earned more tis 3 days then i wld hv across 2 wks. yeah!! ^^

anyway, i cld hv earned more if saxo did not take up my 10th. i sooo tink NTU deliberately made use of us n the polytechnic alliance (I-PLUS) to get free labour out of ignorant poly students. having to ton at the raffles statue the night before was an utter waste of time tt deprieved me not only of my precious time but also beauty slp.

n the tiny bit of press coverage they promised us was robbed coz they did not print the banners they promised. plus, zero thanks n recognition was given to the organising committee. the team n i slogged the hot afternoon away, playing games with their sponsored participants in which they provided us nothing but a dozen bottles of newater. marvellous repayment i tell u.. so much for the investment interactive club being one the biggest ccas in the uni n tt saxo gave them a 20k allowance. cheaters~

aft being made used of, zest, richard n i went to plaza sing for dinner n i came hm to sleep all the away till morn. tts how exhausted i was. zzzz...

the only gd thing i got out of tis was i got to walk around clark quey at night n spend more solo time with him. time which i tink is getting lesser as the days go by. mayb i shld stop questioning n just take a step at a time. afterall, life is soo unpredictable n even god wun noe wat will happen tmr.

aft my first day of the IT fair, he neglected me on the mrt ride back n walked away with me angry for the 2nd time. i surprised myself by being stronger tis time round. no tears rolled until my freaking water bottle had to press my hp n play rainie yang's aimei. tis song was the one i listened to in the past when i liked him but had unreciprocated feelings. tis time round. i liked him, i had him. but the emptiness i experienced was not any different. n the bloody tears had to flow n cause dear mommy so much worry aft hearing frm daddy who witnessed our unpleasant fight n suffer my silence throughout the car journey hm.

had a long talk with mommy n learnt some stuff abt surviving in tis harsh, bitter world. gave in n called him with the ultimanium:

walk to my place with an ice-cream tt hv yet to melt.

it was stupid, really, but he did it. the ice-cream was melting but it passed.

today, i finally got to meet up with xinyu, haz n maz for swensens lunch n arcade. it was fun. but haz said some things tt got me tinking.. i'm so sacrastic, so domineering, so fickle, so fussy, so troublesome. anyone to fall for me muz be so blind. n it made me feel really selfish for calling him only when i needed an umbrella or company while walking hm. my possesiveness really struck me in the face. i get jealous when he spends time with his family n frens. i get paranoid when he contacts girls. i'm nv satisfied till i get to control wat he wears n restrict wat he eats. i hv complete disregard for his ego n pride n i trample upon his feelings tt he so vulnerably offer me.

however, when i walked hm, alone, the wetness on my face was due solely to the pouring raindrops. hv i become so numbed tt i can no longer cry? so unfeeling tt i caused the one i claim to love to suffer instead?

sheesh, i shld be condemned. if only the time under the sheares bridge cld stand still. n he was mine. only mine.